I am finally beginning to feel a little better, but it has taken a while. Friday is the first big test I am supposed to undergo. I am having the Doplar 
Yeah, such a geek I am. However, part of me is a little concerned because of the position I am going to have to lie in for a while and I was also told the instrument is going to be pressed very firmly against my back. We all know just how great my back is, so, yeah, there is a little concern there.
One good thing is that I have a short story finished and another one in the works in my brain. I will be submitting the finished short-story no later than Monday, and should actually begin working on the second one either today or tomorrow. This second story concerns a space race (I think) and a waitress.
Yesterday the floors were actually swept! I am so happy! I am thinking that tomorrow I will sweep them again and actually get to mopping them and then start on the kitchen sink that is so filled with dishes. With only one person cleaning and two people cooking, well, you can just about imagine how the kitchen is looking at this point. Columbus said he would come in and help me clean, but it is going to be a little while before he can get here. It would please me to no end to get everything done so that when he does come in there will just be relaxation and peace for everyone involved.
- Mood:
- Music: What About Now - Daughtry
In order to survive the world these days, you have to be able to struggle through holding in the brake and hitting the clutch while four-wheeling it up the side of a steep, slippery mountain. Yeah, I know, my country roots are showing...and I am proud of them!
The truth is, with so much changing and going on in the world, especially with my world, no one really has the luxury of just sitting back and doing nothing. Today when I woke up, and I am VERY thankful I did wake up, I was ready for something different. I was ready for something to fill my days other than just knitting and housework.
So, I am going to start writing again. I have set myself a specific time-frame to work in, and nothing is going to be done within those three hours except writing and possibly a little research if need be.
It occurred to me, upon waking, that I might not be able to go out and get a regular job because of my body. Still, this shouldn't mean I could not try to pull in some extra money into the household through crafts and writing. The writing mind-set has been absent from me for several years in depth, but, now I see it again, and feel it again: You can't just "think" about writing or "hope" to write, but you actually have to write in order for things to get published. Yes, I know, I have to remind myself of that very fact quite often, but now there is a better understanding of "why" I need to do that. Perhaps now I won't have to remind myself quite so often.
Yesterday the BP was up a little, and it is up today some -- 110/90. Yeah, need to do something very different now.
- Mood:
Well, actually, there is a good reason for the silence and absence on my part: A week ago this past Monday, I began having a headache while at school and, for some reason, something just kept bugging me to have the EMT/security guy take my blood pressure. It was 200/100 at the time. I went on back into the library and felt my headache get worse and my left arm became heavy. A friend, MN, made me go back to the security/EMT station and have my BP taken again. This time it was 230/140. This prompted a call to DH who took off from work and we went to the ER where it just kept going up and up. Thankfully I didn't have a stroke or a heart attack, but I was beginning to feel really weird and tired. As a matter of fact, I still do.
The concensus from the ER and my new family doctor, it was a very close call. Perhaps one more digit and I would have had a stroke AND/OR a heart attack. I am still not up to par, though. I don't have energy and my BP still isn't coming down the way it should being on high blood pressure medication as well as a "water pill" (which makes you pee like mad, people!). It got as low as 120/102 yesterday, and right before I went to bed last night it was 120/80, but mostly because I had taken my muscle relaxer, I believe.
This has prompted a very hard decision: I am going to be withdrawing from classes for about three quarters to help myself get healthy again and feel normal, more human, not a sack of wasted flesh with a slight brain attached. I was going to go and withdraw today, but felt so bad I decided it would be the best thing to just go tomorrow and make as short a trip as possible and get home. Heat and sun, two of my favorite things, are really big no-no's right now (yes, that really does suck great big hairy monkey balls). So, the sooner this gets done, the sooner I can relax more and, with luck and a lot of hard work, the BP will go down and I will still be able to have my life.
I think I have just really pushed myself too hard. I haven't had the sort of break I have needed or could use. It will be good to rest for a while, and look for a good part-time job and then start paying for classes, perhaps, one at a time instead of all at one. Things are going to have to change, I am just not certain how to change them at this point.
One of the main things I have found that has helped me relax and be calm is watching movies and knitting. Kolbar is suggesting just taking an entire week to knit and finish all of the projects that have been started. This isn't a bad idea, you know. So, for the remainder of this week I am going to just sweep the floors, maybe mop them, and knit.
The viewing schedule for today is my favorite The Mummy, and, I believe, 300. But I am really in the mood to see the first Hellboy movie. The really cool one with all of the added scenes. Sadly, I don't have it, yet, in the movie collection, but I will.
Today, after tai chi, which went by far too fast for me, we went to Fava's for breakfast, where we did heartily, and then, of course, I went to Stone's Throw. Beth was not there, but Megan was, which meant there was yarn which could be purchased. And it was. I am probably going to have to slip some money from Kolbar some way in order to make due with everything I need to do this beginning of the month. Part of me regrets having spent the money for the yarn, but there is this other side of me that is relieved there is new yarn in the stash, plus good knitting mojo was passed along to me from Stone's Throw. The knitting mojo was much needed.
Yarn has, completely and irrevocably, become my stress reliever. When something goes wrong I pick up the knitting needles and knit quietly for an hour or two. Kolbar is being a grumpy bastard - I pick up the knitting needles and knit quietly for an hour or two. The nerves need to be settled before class - I pull out the knitting needles and knit quietly for as long as is possible. There is a brief that needs to be written and is being troublesome or a a story item that isn't working out - again, knitting needles and knitting. How is it then possible for me to walk into a store that provides such beautiful yarn and roving and walk out with nothing? Impossible. It helps, too, that I don't have to ask Kolbar for any funds for purchasing of said materials. He would, I think, but he would grumble and fuss for a good week. (It is very rare he will purchase yarn for me and not grumble about how much it costs.) It must be a guy thing. Ok...SOME guys' 'guy thing', if that makes any sense.
*sigh* So, pinching pennies and putting in what I make into the bank and life will go on. The bright side is - there is yarn. New yarn. Yarn that is patiently waiting for me to pick it up and do something absolutely beautiful with it. Oh, and roving. Beautiful blue and white roving. AND, Megan also told me how to "set" the thread once it is spun. I am happy. Broke, perhaps, but happy.
This has been an odd week.
Monday night was legal writing, which wasn't a bad class; and Tuesday was family law. Wednesday was supposed to be Wills & Estates but I had an awful reaction to a medicine so didn't go to class, which made me feel horrible in and of itself. I'll have to really work my butt off in that class to prove my metal probably. Thursday was spent recouperating and today I finally feel better. DH keeps asking me if I am going to go to the game tonight. At first I said I would, but I'm not going to, I don't believe. He said he is going to go to the game, so I'll spend another night all on my lonesome. Actually, it really isn't that bad. Last night I was up until about 9:30 p.m. and then went to bed while he was at the D&D game. Tonight he will probably be home by 10:00 or 10:30 p.m. because Mrs. Librarian doesn't stay up very late - she is a nurse and is dog tired by the time she gets to the game.
There really isn't any "play" really happening at the game on Friday nights. It is filled with talk and hyper 11 year olds and addled teens. I would much rather not go to that game, but there is little else I can do, really. I feel obligated to go because Kolbar wants to go and the GM is my friend. Still, it would be really nice, for a change, to be able to actually have everyone participate in the game rather than just mumble around.
When I started feeling a little better I began applying for job positions. According to school my expected graduation date with my A.S. degree is December 2008! So close! This means my internship is going to be very close, probably the winter quarter. Once it is finished I'll be out of there with a degree and work toward the B.S. degree.
Today I applied for a position as an admissions clerk at Sullivan itself! It actually makes sense to me because I wouldn't have to leave the building and try and get Wheels to cooperate with me to get me to class on time. I am actually hoping I can get it, even if I have to work there and have class there. This will mean, also, that I won't be going to tai chi on Saturdays because I will need a day to just relax and catch up on the sleep and rest my body needs. DH is encouraging of the attempt, and hopeful job position. We'll see how it goes. I am actually pulling for that position more than the others I have applied for. Since I am going to lose my disability check when I start working, I am going to have to keep it up and be as active and as healthy as possible. I'll probably end up doing tai chi and qi gong at school (hopefully I will have an office).
My life is changing at a dramatic pace any more. There is rarely any opportunities for me to just sit and think through a situation. I am having to think through it as I am acting on what needs to be done. Sometimes this is exhilerating, and sometimes it is frightening; and sometimes it is just exhausting. Any more I would be completely lost without my planner. Thank goodness I was able to get one that actually works for me and is refillable!
Today I was supposed to have a meeting with my voc rehab councilor, but she had her assistant call and cancel it yesterday because she was sick. I told her assistant I wasn't feeling well myself and it was just fine to have it cancelled. According to the assistant, they are going to call me back next week and set up an appointment with me for the mid-term meeting that was already supposed to have been done six months ago. I am glad for the rest I was able to get today, as well as the chance to actually apply for jobs.
I am back at school, and just realized a very important notebook was left behind! I feel like such an idiot, but there is nothing I can do about it at the moment. Hopefully tonight's legal writing class will just be a quiet one with all kinds of discussion and not very much *doing* of the writing. It is Mr. W this time. I have had him before, and he is an excellent instructor; Mr. W wants you to *know* what you are doing and not just "get by" in the world of the law office. He is one of my favorite instructors.
I may have to see if the library can give me my Westlaw password or another one of my passwords. Maybe I can log in and see if I the place can give me my passwords. I guess I had best get to doing that now before I completely forget what I am doing.
I feel like such a silly freshman and not someone who is *supposed* to know what they are doing!
Much to say, but not enough time to put it all down.
- Mood:
It has rained almost all day here. It is the perfect writing, knitting, reading day, and the remainder of my alone time is going to put to that use if everything works out the way it should: I am going to be finishing up the short-story I began and then work on toward a finished/final copy.
A friend is coming over this evening for pizza and mojitos, so I'd better get to writing.
- Mood:
Am fighting with my current muscle relaxer regimen. The Doctor and I are trying to get the dosage correct as well as the proper time to take it so I can function without being messed up and unable to think. It doesn't really work to pay all of this money out and be in debt for school and not be able to make the needed, and wanted grades. Getting it *right* is very important. Last night I took it at 8:33 p.m. and was able to sit up and watch a movie and still was cognizant, but when I went to lay down for the evening I slept hard and fierce so that I didn't wake up on my own and probably would have slept on until 11:30 a.m. when DH called to stir me from the peaceful slumbers.
Tomorrow I am going to take the medication in the morning so there will be an entire day of being awake and functioning. If this works I should be able to take it of the morning and be likewise able to sleep at night. This is important with all of the things I need to do for the house as well as getting everything organized for school, which begins on Monday, June 23.
Monday. It would be lovely if there was just one more week where I could rest and get the necessary sleep and do what I needed for my body and brain, as well as for the house in getting it even more organized and ready for the coming quarter. My time for lazing about and being quiet and at peace with everything is practically over. Lucky for me ST got me some more yarn and I can actually begin working on the knitted cotton top currently running around in my brain waiting to be made. There are also a number of other knitted projects as well as books to read to keep me relatively sane for the coming quarter. (I discovered last quarter that, as long as I had something to do other than study, I could knit and read and somehow this let me rest and be at peace in a different manner. I am going to continue this practice with the new quarter.)
Yesterday I began a very interesting short story. So far there is a nice word count of 779. It isn't finished - I was going to work on it some earlier, but had company, so didn't get to continue - and I am not at all certain what is going to come next. See...there is a *reason* why it isn't finished! 
It isn't as if I don't have any clue what is going to happen next, but the exact happenings are quite fuzzy and not readily visible. Writing is like that sometimes: You know the destination, usually, but not necessarily the route you are taking to get there. The route is usually the middle portion of the story. This isn't always the case, however; sometimes you don't even know the destination, you just know where you are leaving from and are quite surprised when you see where you have ended up! Isn't it remarkable?!
Although this little story may not be absolutely perfect now, it is going to be polished and prepped and will be submitted. Hopefully it will be able to be submitted in electronic format, because it would be nice to save some paper for the short stories. If it *must* be submitted in hard copy format, that is exactly how it will be submitted. Who knows, this may be the piece that begins me getting my name out there, or at least my pseudonym. Don't worry - if it gets published somewhere you all will be the first to know and just where to find it.
It is time to begin making daily lists of accomplishments I'd like to make for the day as well as for the week and such. At the moment everything is moving in a relatively orderly fashion, when classes begin there will be problems, of course, with keeping everything moving, but that is why I purchased a brand new planner and refills for it. Yes, there were pages in the thing. Pages you filled out yourself. I don't have time to sit there and plot each and every day for the entire year, so I went ahead and purchased a refill kit. Surprisingly, having purchased the planner and then the refill kit, the planner was still less than what I would have paid going to Barns & Noble and purchasing an entirely new planner for the year! Turtlewoman has *serious* shopping fu skills!
- Mood:
Saturday I began writing on my first autobiographical piece for submission somewhere. It is much easier to keep a diary than to write the autobiographical stuff!
At the moment I am just putting down little vignettes as things come to me, and then I am planning on putting them into an order once some of them get a little larger - word wise. The thing I am finding most difficult is the purpose for everything. What do I want people to get from what I am writing? This matters more for autobiographical pieces than it does from fiction I am learning, because I am putting myself out there for the world to judge and putting my "best face forward" is proving difficult because I simply don't know which "face" I want to concentrate on most.
I have been trying to decide on two characters I love as to which to concentrate on in the fictional realm. It has come down between my Biker and my Werewolf and the Werewolf has won out, much to my surprise. How? Because ideas for the Werewolf's story came quickly and all I could do was merely adore looking at my Biker. *sigh* So, I'll start putting pen to paper on the Werewolf's adventure soon. Actually, with the ideas I have, the Werewolf could turn into a series, which is really surprising, and a little intimidating if it takes off. I do love him, though. The Werewolf is cool.
Focusing on a beginning for him is going to be the hard part and then which adventure he is going to begin on. It is amazing how many there are out there for him. Sorry I can't give you any further ideas, but I am one of those writers that requires silence in order to work: When I talk too much about a story the story gets told and there isn't a reason to write it down. Make sense? It does to me and a few ot her people, but to some people it makes no sense at all. 
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